“I know what I need to do, but I don’t know how to actually do it.”

It’s a feeling many people experience.

You may know that you need to set a boundary, slow down, communicate differently, take better care of yourself, or use the coping skills you’ve learned. You may even understand exactly why those things would help.

But when you’re overwhelmed, triggered, exhausted, anxious, or afraid, knowing what to do and actually being able to do it can feel like two completely different things.

That gap isn’t necessarily a lack of motivation. Often, there is something happening between knowing and doing that deserves attention.

Getting Curious About the Gap
An integrative approach to therapy looks beyond the question, “Why aren’t I doing what I know I should do?”

Instead, we can ask:

What is happening between knowing and doing?

Maybe fear is getting in the way. Maybe the task feels overwhelming, or perfectionism makes it difficult to begin. An old protective pattern may be showing up. Your nervous system may be activated, making it harder to access the tools you normally rely on. Executive functioning challenges may be playing a role. Or perhaps the strategy you’ve been given simply doesn’t fit the way you think, feel, process, or move through the world.

Understanding that difference matters because therapy doesn’t have to be about giving you another long list of things you “should” be doing.
It can be about discovering what actually works for you.

Turning Insight Into Something You Can Use
Once we begin to understand what is creating the gap, therapy can become practical.

That might mean breaking a difficult task into one very small, manageable step. It could mean practicing a communication skill together before using it in a real conversation. We might explore what happens in your body when a certain situation arises, become curious about the different parts of yourself that seem to be pulling in opposite directions, or experiment with a completely different way of approaching a problem.

This is where an integrative approach can be especially valuable.

Rather than assuming one method works for everyone, integrative therapy can draw from different perspectives and techniques based on the individual. Your emotions, thoughts, nervous system, relationships, past experiences, environment, and personal strengths can all be pieces of the same picture.

The goal is to begin connecting the dots between them.

Therapy Is More Than Understanding
Insight can be incredibly powerful. Understanding why you react a certain way or recognizing a pattern you’ve repeated for years can create an important shift.

But insight is often the beginning, not the end.

Therapy can also provide a space to practice, experiment, and build the capacity to respond differently when real life gets difficult.

It’s one thing to understand boundaries. It’s another way to communicate one when you’re afraid of disappointing someone.

It’s one thing to know a grounding technique. It’s another to access it when your nervous system is activated.

It’s one thing to recognize that perfectionism is holding you back. It’s another to take the first imperfect step anyway.

Therapy isn’t just about knowing more. It’s about building the capacity to use what you know in real life.

​

"When clients are not taking action between sessions, despite having a clear understanding of what needs to be done, I begin by exploring the barriers that may be preventing progress. What is the barrier? What is contributing to its presence?

 

By creating an open and supportive dialogue around these barriers, we can better identify the emotional and practical factors influencing change. This allows us to address those challenges directly and develop strategies that make meaningful progress more attainable." 

- Cathryn Capuano, LMSW

Knowledge, Creativity, and Human Connection
Connecting the dots can extend beyond the therapy room, too. Learning, creativity, community, and meaningful conversation can all influence the ways we understand ourselves and one another.

This intersection of knowledge and human connection is reflected in the work of Dr. Catarina Lemos Cunha, a scientist, educator, entrepreneur, and founder of Global Language Reads (GLRBooks), an independent multilingual bookstore and community arts space in Port Jefferson.

Born in Portugal and raised in Germany, Catarina’s life has crossed languages, cultures, science, and the arts. She holds a PhD in Neurobiology and conducted neuroscience research at institutions including NYU, where she also taught and served as an Assistant Professor.

GLRBooks grew from Catarina’s belief that books, art, music, science, and conversation have the ability to bring people together across boundaries. The space is also deeply connected to the memory of her son, Gabriel, a young artist and musician who was killed in Brooklyn in 2023. Transforming profound grief into opportunities for connection has become an important part of Catarina’s work.

Today, GLRBooks has grown into more than a bookstore. It is a gathering place for philosophy and science discussions, author events, live music, open mics, art, and spontaneous creative expression. Visitors can even sit down at the piano or pick up an instrument, reflecting the idea that communication and human connection can take many forms beyond words.

Through GLRBooks and the GLR Art Foundation, Catarina continues to explore how knowledge, creativity, and community can help people better understand one another and create meaning through difficult experiences.

Finding What Works for You
There is no single roadmap for navigating fear, grief, overwhelm, relationships, change, or the many other experiences that bring people to therapy.

Sometimes progress starts with understanding. Sometimes it starts with feeling safe enough to try something different. And sometimes it begins with one very small step.

At Compassionate Talk Therapy, we believe therapy can be a place to connect those pieces, to explore not only what you know, but what may be getting in the way of putting that knowledge into practice.

If you find yourself thinking, “I know what I need to do. I just don’t know how to do it,” you don’t have to figure out that gap alone.

Connect with Compassionate Talk Therapy to learn more about our approach and find support that meets you where you are.

​